Downtime, I concern myself with the flimsiest of matters. My chest tightens and it gets so much harder to breathe. I think long and hard about the special knife in the kitchen drawer, about the ample amounts of alcohol and pills I keep in their respective cabinets, about the high rise apartment balcony I have all to myself. I produce a small smirk, emerging from somewhere in my stomach and suddenly feel so sick at these thoughts. Do you ever experience the feeling of drowning so high up in the sky? This apartment is ingrained with so much sadness, I wonder how I touch anything and feel okay anymore.